Sometimes late at night….

….I go to the field….

 
I have been sleeping a lot lately, partly to let my immune system do some work and partly because work has kept me exhausted.  Between teaching classes, end of the trimester, and working in the garden/hoop house I am beat by 8pm.  However the double-edged sword with me is that more sleep means more dreams.  Last night I had a tough one.

I am not sure what triggered it but I had a dream about my childhood friend Jennifer Harris who died in Iraq piloting a helicopter that was shot down by a handheld rocket launcher.

It was a strange dream.  I was in the marines and I was on the ground.  We were supposed to be laying cover for her helicopter as she extracted wounded soldiers.

I saw her helicopter come in and I was surveying the high grass and rocks for possible enemies with rocket launchers.  Her helicopter landed and they got the wounded soldiers in.  She radioed to me asking if I she was clear to take off.

“Harris to Romano, am I go for extraction?”

“Captain you are clear, no sign of insurgents”

Her helicopter began to lift off and I caught two men loading a rocket into a shoulder held launcher in my scope.  I took aim and fired but missed, I saw them raise the launcher toward her helicopter.  I took aim again…

….and missed.  My breathing was heavy, to heavy to take good aim.  I started shooting rapidly, without coming close.

I saw the streak of the rocket as it raced toward the helicopter.  I yelled into my headset but it was too late.  Just as the rocket was about to hit I sat bolt upright in bed.

It might have been one of the worst dreams I have ever had.  Feeling so helpless, having an opportunity to save someone and falling short.  I wrestled with my mind in bed for an hour or so and calmed myself down.

I have been playing this song on repeat, almost brings me to tears……

Every step I take
Takes me farther from you
Every move I make
Reminds me that I’ll always love you
Since you were a child
We’ve built our lives around you
How am I supposed to live
In this world we made without you

Sometimes late at night
I go to the field
Is that where you are?
Are you a shooting star?
Can you say my name?
Darling, can you hear me?
Tell me where’s your heart
Now that it stopped beating
It’s right here
It’s right here
It’s right here

When you joined the war
We were so proud of you
You seemed so grown up
Living life the way we taught you
Then your first letter came
It sounded nothing like you
It took all my strength
To keep myself from running to you

Sometimes late at night
I go to the field
Is that where you are?
Are you a shooting star?
Darling, say my name
Darling, can you hear me?
Tell me where’s your heart
Now that it stopped beating
It’s right here
It’s right here
It’s right here

And it will always be
Until the sun dries the ocean
And you will always be
My little one

If I was the president, If I was that man
I would walk out with those kids
Out across the sand
If I was the president, if I was that brave
I would take a shovel then dig each child their graves
If I was the president, and my world turned black
I would want no victory, I’d just want you back
I don’t want no victory, I just want you back
I don’t want no victory, I just want you back
I don’t want no victory, I just want you back
I don’t want no victory, I just want you back

Sometimes late at night
I go to the field
Is that where you are?
Are you a shooting star?
Can you say my name?
Darling, can you hear me?
Tell me where’s your heart
Now that it stopped beating
It’s right here
It’s right here
It’s right here