I am not sure if you guys are familiar with what is going on at the Bronx Zoo but the reptile keepers lost an Egyptian Cobra.  Because of this the Reptile House has been closed to visitors.  However some hilarious genius started a Twitter account pretending to be that cobra as if he was out on the town.  The following are his twitter updates.  Pretty damn funny.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra

Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

@BronxZoosCobra I’m not at the Bronx Zoo.
I’m an Egyptian cobra out on the town. BronxZoosCobra@gmail.com

Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

It’s so cold out. Gonna go get my schvitz on at Wall Street Bath. Thanks for the tip @SpaSally
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

According to the rules of Twitter, I think I’m supposed to announce a multi-city comedy tour now. Right @ConanOBrien & @CharlieSheen?
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

On top of the Empire State Building! All the people look like little mice down there. Delicious little mice. #snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Can you hear me now? RT @SteveMartinToGo Phone rings. Caller ID: Bronx Zoo. It’s the snake. Hard to hear. Lots of hissing on line.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Not a fan of G.I. Joe.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

@peternbcnews Don’t turn around. I’m right behind you. Just kidding! lol!
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Enjoying a cupcake @magnoliabakery. This is going straight to my hips. Oh, wait. I don’t have hips. Yesss! #snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Taking the Sex and the City Tour!!! I’m totally a SSSamantha.#snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

At the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The Temple of Dendur really kicks some asp. #snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Rise & Slither. #snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

It’s getting pretty cold out. I think it’s probably time to crash. Oh look, an apartment window someone left open just a crack. Perfect!
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

If I recognize a single belt… RT @Bergdorfs @dkny@BronxZoosCobra it’s a good time to visit you know. Our resident mongoose is on holiday
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

I agree with Brett Favre. Snakes should be set free!
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Gonna listen to some Jazz tonight. You know I love some great flute work. Do they provide it or is it bring your own basket?#snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

In front of the diner used in Seinfeld. Niiice! They’re real and they’re spectacular. #myfangs #snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Forgot DWTS is tonight! Someone DVR it for me. Want to watch Ralph Macchio go down for what he did to Cobra Kai Dojo.#snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Anyone know of a good vegan restaurant near Union Square?#snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Just me or is every sketch artist displaying the EXACT same sketch of John Lennon & Marilyn Monroe as examples of their work? Seems sketchy.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Leaving Wall Street. These guys make my skin crawl.#snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Dear @CharlieSheen, know what’s better than tiger’s blood? Cobra venom. #winning #snakeonthetown Also I’m 20 inches long. Just sayin’.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Rockefeller Plaza is amaz….wait…OMG! Tina Fey totally just walked by me! HUUUUGE FAN! #snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Obviously I’m a big fan of freedom! RT @soniamoghe Kinda of curious about what @BronxZoosCobra thinks about the revolution, Mubarak?
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Anyone know where I can score some tickets to a taping of Late Night with @jimmyfallon#snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Loving the tall grass at The High Line. Wait!!! I totally saw boob in a window in the Standard Hotel!!!
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Just FYI, I’ve had it with Samuel L. Jackson too.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Gonna take a ViPR class at @Equinox Greenwich Ave. From the sound of this it should be cake. #snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

If one more person on the street asks me, “Do you like comedy?” someone’s getting bit. #snakeonthetown
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Holding very still in the snake exhibit at the Museum of Natural History. This is gonna be hilarious!
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Aw, what’s wrong? RT @BronxZookeeper SHIT.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

You know I like fat bottomed girls. I’m from the Bronx. Duh.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

If you want to find me, I right in front of the original Ray’s Pizza.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Donald Trump is thinking about running for president?! Don’t worry, I’ll handle this. Where is Trump Tower exactly?
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

What does it take to get a cab in this city?! It’s cause I’m not white isn’t it.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Sure, let me just…wait a second! RT @JamColoured@BronxZoosCobra Can you turn GPS tracking on your iPhone please? No reason
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

A lot of people are asking how I can tweet with no access to a computer or fingers. Ever heard of an iPhone? Duh.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Want to clear up a misconception. I’m not poisonous as has been reported. I’m venomous. Super venomous, but not poisonous so don’t worry.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Anyone know if Rebecca Black lives in NYC? No reason.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

I do speak Parseltongue, but with a thick Bronx accent.
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

I should take in a Broadway show. Anyone heard anything about this “Spiderman” musical?
Bronx Zoo's Cobra
BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra

Dear NYC, Apples and snakes have gone together since the beginning.

 

1 Comment

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One response to “

  1. Mom

    kep posting this for those of us who don’t twitter
    they are hilarious

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